Turning Point Number 1 (yes, there's more than one)

When our relationship began, it was a little rocky. He had broken up with his ex months ago, but was still involved in her life due to a bond with her son. I still had no knowledge about his past. He was a very secretive person. We actually never saw each other as much outside of work, not as much as I'd like anyway. He live about an hour away from the job and me, so time spent after work was limited. My parents liked him. He'd drive me home, and then come in for a little while to talk to them. he was extremely talkative, so he usually ended up being there at least 2 or 3 hours. At work, everyone could tell there was something going on between us. We wouldn't flirt too much, but there was a connection we shared. Something that created sparks between us whenever we did so much as look at each other. Yes, most of it was sexual, but there was also something so much deeper than that. For the first time in my life, I experienced the "String Phenomenon." The "String Phenomenon" is the impression that there is a string attatched to both people's hearts. If one or both go too far away, it feels like the string will snap. That was how I felt whenever he was around me. When he was at home, I felt the detatchment, the string starting to strain. No, it was not love yet, I was not that naive, but I knew something stronger than just sexual attraxtion was starting to grow inside me. We went on a few dates here and there. We had to be very secretive about our relationship, otherwise, one of us would be relocated or even worse, terminated. For a while, I was sort of happy. Even though I felt a strong attatchment to him, there were some blanks that needed to be filled that he just plain refused to fill in for me. His mysterious past kept eating at me, I had so many questions. "Were you ever married?", "How many kids do you have?", "What happened between you and you ex?", and the ever popular, "Where do you want this to go?" When he would attempt to answer me, he would be very vague, except for his answer that he was serious about having a relationship with me. For a little bit, his half answers satiated me. I became blind to the fact that he never took me to his house. Or that I still didn't meet his family.
This went on until that fateful night. We were supposed to spend time but he never called and he didn't answer my phone calls or texts. At about 1 A.M., I was awakened by my phone alerting me of a new text. I opened my phone expecting him. Oh, it was his phone, but a woman, presumably his "ex", had texted me asking if I was "Talking to R___." I laid there in my bed, the phone light shining in my face, stunned, unable to move, even blink. Then came another one, "This is his wife, stay away from him." My heart was pounding so hard and so fast in my chest. I felt breathless, unable to even react. After about 5 minutes, I was finally able to flip my phone closed and plug it back up to charge. Although I was shaking so bad, I did this so very calm. I laid back down facing the ceiling, so many thoughts racing inside my head. It was at that moment that I really hated him. All those times he came into my house, spoke with my parents ever so kindly, so respectfuly, meant nothing at that moment. All those feelings of deep concern for him and his welfare, the smiles, that "gaze" that captured me from the very beginning now induced feelings of retching.

The Meeting

Butterflies in the stomach. That warm feeling that washes over you as soon as you see him. Smile-itis. Those are the many symptoms of feeling that initial attraction to someone you just met. Me? I didn't experience any of those. I met him on the first day of my job. He was my boss, and all conversation was just innocent banter back and forth...introducing people, giving me the grand tour, etc. I felt nothing, nothing whatsoever in the realm of attraction, or even just mere interest.
As the weeks went on, he started flirting with me. At first I didn't take it seriously, because he was like that with everyone. After a while I started to notice that he would look at me in a certain way...different from all the other women. I started to catch on that he was interested in me more than just a flirt buddy. I actually started to feel uncomfortable at times and still didn't feel anything mutual. He made for an excellent work environment. He was extremely laid-back, funny, and a little bit of a goofball at times. It wasn't until one day that it just hit me like a lightning bolt...totally unexpected and random. I was at my other job when he showed up just to "Stop by and say hi." I was kind of flattered and embarrassed at the same time. We went to lunch and I walked him to his car. He had the look that sparked something inside me. He wanted to kiss me. At first, I wasn't going to give it to him, but I am the type that feels bad for the OTHER person if they are put in an awkward position, so I gave him just a peck on the lips...boy did that feel weird to me! It was the first kiss with an older man, and something about it felt so forbidden, so exciting. He had the moves, he was smooth, he knew it all along. Although he was a formidable opponent, I don't think he knew exactly what kind of fight he's be in for...

And the beat goes on...

Well, this is my very first entry. Although this is the first of many, the relationships that has shaped my life have come well before today. What made me start this blog you ask? For one, I needed some kind of sounding board for my thoughts, feelings, emotions, all that "chick" stuff. Unlike many women out there, I find it hard to vocalize my feelings. In this technologically sound world, I am one of those chronic texters. Who knew that a woman would prefer to spend half the day typing out her feelings to her boyfriend, rather than speaking them, then turning around and saying, "Are you listening to me?!" Haha.
Just a little synopsis up to now. I have been dating a man...an older man for almost 2 years now. Isn't that supposed to warrant a medal of some sort? Women, we all know those older men. They know what they want, and are mostly unwilling to change their minds or their habits. I thought I knew what I was in for. I had the idea in my head that "Age is just a number." Boy was I wrong. Dealing with a man much older than yourself is the most challenging thing you will ever do in your life. Us twenty-something women are all about drama, they crave serenity and peace. We have a much more active lifestyle, they love to just "Sit home and cherish the time spent with you."Ugh...If I knew it was going to be so taxing, I would probably have thought twice about what I was getting myself into...